Thursday, May 1, 2014

Dinosaur Eye


I’m having a hard time enjoying life when I know my thyroid is four times larger than what it should be and that there are soft tissue lumps on my thyroid, however, I’m doing my best to stay positive by reminding myself that I tend to eat and live a healthy lifestyle.  Then the haunting words seep in, words like cancer, and how so many family members have had cancer…and luckily all also cancer survivors.  I’m not letting my mind wander at that option for long because it’s one of those—I’d rather cross that bridge IF I get there things.

So, I’m doing my best to go about everyday life and continue to make healthier choices by cutting out more sugar, more wheats, more meat, more processed food.  It’s making my work day a lot harder since I work with foods full of sugar, wheat, meat and processed. 

The other night I had a WILDTREE party.  For those unfamiliar with this company, they are an organic based food company with lots of food products to make cooking and eating healthy actually something easy to do.  There are no GMOs in their products and none of that other bad stuff.  Knowing the best thing I can do for my unresolved thyroid issue is eat organic, I’m thankful for this company. 

A few days before my party I remembered to invite my female friend Kyle.  She has some health issues that limit pretty much everything she eats.  Since I knew the products were better than most, I was thrilled to learn the foods in Wildtree’s catalog could be consumed by her.  We ended up talking more about our health and I told her about my recent diagnosis.  Since she is a traveling ultrasound technician, she said she would give me a quick ultrasound before the party to give me a little bit of peace of mind since my official ultra sound isn’t until May 6.

With the Wildtree consultant setting up, and the other early arrival, Kyle put the machine to my neck and we all looked to the computer screen. 

“Well, there’s your thyroid—whoa!”  Kyle said as she went slightly pale.

“So, that’s not good, is it?”  I do my best to remain calm but I’m relieved I’m doing this with close friends.

“You have a very large mass on your thyroid.” Kyle confirms.

“It looks like a dinosaur eye.”  I continue to look at the screen as I slow my breathing.

“What’s that color mean?” SJ asks as she looks over my shoulder and at the screen.

“Color isn’t good, is it?”  I ask but I already know by Kyle’s expression.

“IT could be benign.  Remember when I gave Deb a scare?  Hers wasn’t anything and she had color too.”  Kyle says, trying to comfort me.  “But, if it is something, you can have your thyroid removed, so it could be something fairly simple to fix.”

I nod my head but my eyes can’t leave the screen that looks like a dinosaur eye.  Since the ultra sound scan, I can find and feel my mass much easier.  It’s nearly the size of a golf ball.  And the only thing I can think is 1) How long has it been there?  2) What caused it to grow? And 3) How can I make it disappear and still keep my thyroid?

Naturally, financial issues keep sneaking in on me since I got a call from the financial consultant about my upcoming ultrasound.  I’ve been denied for Medicaid.  I’m really not sure what I’m going to do…and the not knowing if this large mass on my thyroid is cancerious or not, isn’t really helping.  But, like most things in the medical field, I have to hurry up to wait some more, and I don’t like the waiting part.

However, I’m glad I have a friend with a portable ultrasound machine to give me a heads up, a friend who works in a holistic chiropractic office who has a bundle of information on alternative health plans for whatever I might be going through,  and a few nurses in the family, makes me think I’ll be able to give as much information as I’ll need to make it through this, but most importantly, I have some friends who are being encouraging and supportive despite my insecurities at the moment.

And it's true...I've been nothing but a hot mess lately.  At least I kinda have an excuse to be...right?!?