I'm feeling pretty stupid right now.
It's kinda ridiculous.
Like I'm an emotional mess kind of pretty stupid.
I don't know what has gotten into me. Actually, I do know what has gotten in to me.... HOPE has gotten into me and now I'm starting to doubt what I thought and what I felt and what I assumed.
It all started when the tattooed tipper came in. We waved and Heather ran over beside me and gushed to me about him. "I don't know what it is about him but he really gets my heart racing. I think I might dump my old man and chase him down."
I was not aware Heather was crushing on the tattooed tipper but after she told me this, he gave me the signal to come give him a hug. I walked over and he wrapped his arms around me so tight and gave me a big bear hug. He seriously gives the best hugs. This hug was exceptionally big and I swear he lifted me up off of my feet while hugging me. I suppose that is one way to sweep a girl off her feet.
"Wow, that was a big one!" I exclaimed.
"How's my favorite girl?" He asked while he sat back down on his bar stool.
We made small talk and somehow we get on to the topic of what he sells at his toy shop.
"Magic cards, D&D..." he rattled on while I shook my head telling him no interested in the merchandise, and then he said, "board games."
"Ohhhhh I love board games!"
"You should stop in the store sometime." He suggested.
"Yeah, I will have to do that sometime." I agreed.
"You really should. I'll be waiting for you." He added. I let out a quick laugh that pretty much said yeah, ok, whatever, as I started to walk away. Then he added, "Seriously."
I almost ran into the counter. I flashed him a quick grin and went hiding in the back kitchen. While I was replaying all of this in my head, I realized I was just one of those girls I hated. Heather had just confessed to me about her crush and seconds later I was hugging him and "making plans". Granted Heather has a man but it was one of those moments when I actually thought, "duh, he likes me, not you, just watch me prove it.."
And then today came and all that confidence and hope that I'd been finding lately, fizzled away like dust in the wind, when Heather ran over to me to tell me a story she'd forgotten to tell me yesterday...
"Tattooed Tipper saw me walking to work and so he offered me a ride and that just made my heart explode, I really wish I didn't have a man! And then do you know what he said to me? He said, 'Don't you think it's about time we make those rumors about us true?"
I interrupted her story. "There's rumors?"
"Oh yeah! He said he's got a table in the back of his shop that would work...Oh man, this guy really gets me going, you know."
I gave a faint smile. "Yeah, I know."
Suddenly my brain was on over drive. How had I missed out on "their" rumor? I hadn't heard anything about anything. Even I hadn't heard a rumor about me and the tattooed tipper and I thought for sure, out of all the people there, we would have the best rumor going, since he's always tipping me and I'm running out to hug him.
And since the tattooed tipper was already on my mind, it was like everyone needed to talk about him today, like when they told me about Woo Con.... the very first College of Wooster comic convention, and how he had a booth at the event. Everyone told me I had to go check it out.
So I did. I got cleaned up after work, took a little extra time making myself look pretty, and actually believed it for a moment that I was extra pretty today. I went on a walk and found the event to be utterly disappointing. No people in costumes, no characters to people watch, and there were three "booths" filled with comic books. Worst yet, I didn't even see the tattooed tipper amongst the twenty people at the event while I was there. I quickly excited the building and slapped myself on the forehead.
What was I thinking? Of course he doesn't like me. He just likes my cooking....and that's what he told me several months ago, but being the girl that I am, I refuse to listen to a guy when he is telling me the truth because I saw it differently.
And then on top of that, the guy I've actually been seeing and spending time with apparently doesn't want to see me this weekend. So, I'm sitting home alone, like a loser, writing a blog that maybe one person will read, like a loser, and eating chocolate to help sooth my emotional feelings, like a fatty.
I liked life better when I had a dose of hope and not reality.