Friday, June 12, 2015

When You Don't Know if Fate is Mocking You or Encouraging You

Being single is confusing.  Whether it's trying to interpret mixed signals or knowing what the heck you are doing in a possible relationship, or even knowing whether or not you are dating someone, seeing someone, steady with someone, or just talking to someone. I don't know the difference between most of them, and you know what.  I don't like it.

I don't like it at all.

I've finally been having some healthy crushes in my life, you know, the realistic kind of crushes, the kind where it might actually happen kind of crushes.  I rethought my guy with kids rule and realized it would actually be something I would be okay with and I can handle that kind of "drama" in my life.  And to be honest, I probably wouldn't have rethought this had I not gotten to know T.K. while getting to know T.  However, lately, I'm starting to think that this "getting to know T" is a figment of my imagination.  (This apparently happens a lot in my dating life, I don't know what's real and what is fiction...)

It's not that I don't know T, it's that I don't know him as well as I would like, and I don't know if I'm going to get that chance anymore.  I was cool with the ultra slow pace of learning bits and pieces about each other, taking six months to learn his name and occupation, and after a year of noticing each other, having a spontaneous ice cream date.  I really liked that.  I didn't feel pressured to define what we were doing or who he was in my life.  He was a crush who I was getting to know.

And then we exchanged phone numbers and soon I found I was the one always messaging the point where I felt like I was an annoying pest.  But then, he would throw me for a loop and send me a message and ask how work was going, or send a picture of T.K. holding a fish from their latest fishing trip.  And then we would hang out for an hour or so, but then it would go back to mixed signals and never acknowledging the fact that we might actually be interested in each other.

Yes, I'm aware this guy has been nothing but mixed signals for a year, so I don't know why I'm surprised that I'm utterly confused.

A few weeks ago, he came over and we watched one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies... Rock of Ages.  As it turns out, it is one of his favorite movies, as well.  We sang along like dorks and had a really fun time.  When he left, I told myself I wouldn't message him first, that I would be strong and wait for him to contact me.  Days went by....and just shy of a week later, I caved and said hello.  Our conversation was short and I tried to tell myself he wasn't really interested, to accept it, and move on to the next crush.  
Only, he would come in to the restaurant and feed me enough mixed signals to change my mind into thinking he actually is interested in me.  

But today when I woke up... I had enough of the mixed signals and the no replies to my text messages.  I decided fate was telling me I am destined to be alone and I should just suck it up and embrace it.  I poured my heart out to Singapore Paula about how I was giving up because being lonely and constantly playing the waiting game wasn't really doing me any good.  Naturally, she gave me the "don't give up, it'll happen" speech and I replied, my soulmate got aborted.  This is why I'm prolife!

Not much longer, T. walked in, all smiles, waves and overflowing with mixed signals (which I did my best to ignore).  Fate, well, fate decided to either play a trick on me, mocking my vow of solitude, or maybe, it was a reminder to have hope because the next song to play as T. walked away was Don't Stop Believing by Journey but naturally, every time I hear that song anymore, I automatically think of the scene from Rock of Ages.

I took the sign as a little bit of encouragement, and I even giggled a little.  I took it about myself to message him several hours later and though I got a reply, it was a simple LOL.

So, I've conclude that fate was mocking me because it knows I don't know how to give up and I'll always have a little bit of hope that maybe someday, just someday, someone will stay interested in me long enough to get to know me.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh, I do NOT miss those days!

    You need to read Why Men Love Bitches. That book changed my life.


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