Sunday, February 28, 2016

It's Probably for the Best

I've been talking to a guy off and on for probably four years.  We've never met in person.  We chatted through an online dating site for a while but he was always too slow and I'd meet someone else before we'd even discuss meeting.  I'd delete my profile and move on.  Six months later, I'd sign up again, and say hello to my trusty old friend online.

A few weeks ago, I decided to get on this website just to say hello to him.  He was still there and so I sent him a message before he sent me his typical, "well, hello again" message.  I sent him a fiesty, "what, you are still here?" first.

We caught up, reminded each other a few things about each other that we'd forgotten.  He told me that he thought of me one time when he passed by a roller skating rink.  I took this as a good sign, considering I hadn't thought of him until I considered doing online dating again.

I lasted on the site for 3 days before inappropriate messages started talking over. (I get it, it's a free dating website but come on people, have a little decency and respect.  I would never walk up to the stranger and ask to see them naked...)  So I sent him a message including my phone number and wished him the best, if I never heard from him again.

I had hope for one day but my phone never beeped.

Three days later, I looked at my phone with amazement.  He texted me.  And we talked via text all night, and then the next night, and then the next night.  He suggested coffee, and maybe a movie, and I found myself getting more and more giddy with every text.

I was being patient, waiting for him to tell me when he would be free for this coffee meet up or possible movie.  We became facebook friends.  We sent each other stupid pictures. Two weeks went by.  Some days we would talk, other days we wouldn't, but when we did, it would be for hours.

The other night, in the midst of our lovely evening of texting, I told him I wanted to take him up on his coffee offer this weekend.

He responded with... "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship.  You seem like a really, really nice girl but it's me."

WTF?

I reminded him that meeting for coffee was not establishing a relationship.  It was meeting for coffee, and that I just wanted to meet him in person.  There was no pressure of anything beyond a first in person meet up.

He told me there was too much wrong with him for him to be in a relationship.

Naturally, I was intrigued.

I tried to get him to open up but he shut me out.  So, I suggested he try to fix what was so wrong with him and I'd still like to get coffee sometime.

A few days went by and he didn't message me.  So yesterday, I sent him a message to see if he wanted to get that coffee sometime.

No response.  24 hours later...still no response.

I was disappointed....I am disappointed.  I told a few of my friends about this situation and most of them replied, "it's probably for the best.."  after all, he did say he wasn't ready for a relationship....

So yes, it's probably for the best I don't meet someone I'm actually interested in getting to know.
It's probably for the best I don't meet someone I'm attracted to.
It's probably for the best I stop talking to someone I've really enjoyed talking to the past few weeks.
It's probably for the best I don't meet someone with similar interests and beliefs.
It's probably for the best I don't put myself out there.
It's probably for the best I remain single.
It's probably for the best.

The thing is, all this time, I actually thought I was single because it was me and I went about furiously trying to "fix" myself so I'd be more dateable and desirable to the opposite sex.

What I'm starting to realize is the people around me keep discouraging me from meeting someone or giving it a shot.

They think it's for the best I don't get my heart involved, it's for the best I play it safe, it's for the best....

I understand they are trying to protect me from heartache and pain.

Is that probably for the best?

1 comment:

  1. Having spent WAY too many years being single, I completely understand where you're coming from. But I think you are misinterpreting the motives of the people around you. Maybe you're right in general, but in this case I think they are.

    This guy may be someone you are interested in getting to know. And you may be somewhat attracted based on what you've seen and learned over the past couple of years.

    But the thing is, if he is putting the brakes on just getting together for coffee and to meet in person when you've been talking off and on for years, he really is sparing you from an inevitable disappointment. I think, in this case at least, it really is for the best that you not meet this guy because it sounds like nothing good is likely to come from it and you would only be left disappointed and frustrated.

    That being said, no, you shouldn't isolate yourself or give up. I think the best course of action to take is to just look at dating as a fun way to pass the time and meet new people. If you don't put too much stock in any one individual or throw too much hope into something working out with anyone, you'll be a lot more relaxed and can just enjoy the process. And you might meet someone great along the way. But, even if you don't, you'll have some fun and collect some interesting stories.

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