Why I Hate a Really Good Song

The other day I was scanning the radio stations and I came across a really beautiful song.  The piano keys popped out, her voice was strong and soon I started listening to the words. They were really good.  In fact, the message was wonderful, encouraging, optimistic, and refreshing.

I'm sure the song is an anthem for many people who are going through a difficult time.  In fact, I would love to use this song as an anthem for the past year or so, but I can't.  Every time I hear the song, I shake my head in disappointment.



See, every time I hear Rachel Platten's Fight Song.... I think of a different song with a similar message.  And this song is also about overcoming obstacles.  This other song could also be a great message and anthem for someone going through a difficult time, however, the song is very inappropriate for a funeral.

My grandma passed away a little over a month ago.  During the funeral, her children and grandchildren shared stories and memories, mostly about her amazing cooking skills, and how she was born a premie and resided in a shoe box in the oven as her incubator.  In the middle of going down memory lane, we were asked to sit back and listen to a song that my uncle thought really connected with my grandma, and her struggle through depression and dementia.

So, please, sit back and listen to this song....




Now, if my memory serves me right, I watched this video with my face twisted up like I was attempting to suck on a dozen lemons in record time.  Eventually I looked over to my mom, who also seemed to be on this lemon sucking quest, and I mouthed WHAT! Seriously?

I didn't understand.  Did my uncle forget we were at a funeral?  She didn't overcome anything.  She passed away.  Dead. Gone.  On to the afterlife.  She did overcome her premature birth, having ten children, and then "beat" breast cancer a few years prior with surgery at age 85 and this song would have maybe been appropriate then but she didn't do rounds and rounds of chemo or anything like that, so I'm still struggling to grasp how she is an overcomer while her funeral was going on.

I'm sure I sound really insensitive about the death of my grandma but it was the weirdest funeral moment I have ever experienced.  And it's probably not one I'm going to forget any time soon... because now the words I'm an Overcomer have a totally different meaning to me.

The Residents in my Apartment Complex

I moved in to apartment 20 a little over a year ago.  I was so excited to be back on my own again, and I was thrilled I found something within my price range.  I signed the lease and moved in, never questioning my decision, even though I was aware my apartment complex looked a lot like an abandoned insane asylum.

I guess it didn't bother me because I've lived in shady apartment when I lived in Miami. However, the longer I live in my little shoebox apartment, the more I notice the look on peoples faces when they come over to my place for the first time.  It's a familiar look that pretty much says you could do better.

I'm pretty sure even the pizza delivery boy was thinking that when he handed over my pizza the other day.  I looked back with a really delivery boy look on my face.

I probably could do better, but I'm living within my means, so apartment 20 is fine for now.

I'm pretty sure it's not my actual apartment everyone has a problem with...it's the hallway and the people roaming the hallway that make people concerned about my safety. 

A few days after I moved in, I met Todd from apartment 1...and I've been avoiding him ever since.  However, he told me to steer clear of the drug dealer in apartment 23 but as it turns out, she is the nicest person to me, always friendly and polite.  And then there is the friendliest neighbor of all, and I don't know his name because I've never asked.   He's autistic or OCD or has a stutter or maybe all because he tells me the same thing three times in a row.  He's always sitting on the steps waiting for his ride when I leave for work at 6:15a.m., and he says, "good, good, good morning..."  he struggles to get it out as I pass him and head out the door, "have a good day, have a good day, have a, have a, have a good day."

This one guy that I was kinda sorta dating for a hot minute...D... hated coming to my place, but let's be honest, he turned out to be a snob who made me take off my shoes and spray them before entering his place just in case I might bring in bed bugs to his apartment.  Anyway, apparently the first time he walked down the hallway, one of the residents decided to talk to him about random conspiracy theories.  And I had to hear about it constantly about how weird my neighbors are, and how I need to move out asap....

My neighbors are characters for sure... I mean, this guy hasn't gotten the memo that Halloween is over...

 

 And this one has to be the most loving and likable person ever...

 

 

As weird and bizarre as they might be, they don't bother me.  I come and I go and if we pass each other in the halls, most wave and say hello. 

 

But the hallways are pretty shady looking...

 

The other day T stopped by and was so repulsed by the spider he saw coming in the door, he said he wasn't ever going to hang out with me anymore.  I thought he was joking but I haven't seen him since...so...maybe I should talk to the landlord about the spider problems because it might be harming my potential dating interest...

 

It's not a horrible place to live.  For the most part, it is pretty quiet here and even though there are more spiders and nasty bugs than I am comfortable with, apartment 20 is home to me and Prim right now.

Three Words

I've been avoiding blogging lately because all I want post about is how the prodigal child had to come save the restaurant and has stolen my future promotion...needless to say I've been stressed and only want to write hateful things so I've been avoiding blogging… 

That being said I had dinner with SJ the other night and she asked me to describe myself and three words and that was a lot harder than I thought it would be, given no one has ever asked me.

My first thought was 1) lonely 2) pathetic 3) loser and I mean that in the most endearing way,  but I imagined SJ would take that in a negative way so I pondered more, considering calling myself funny but then I realized I have funny moments but I'm not an actual funny person.  I am snarky and sarcastic and come up with real zingers, but I'm not a funny person.  

And then I thought maybe I'd say I'm outspoken but when I think about outspoken people I think about people who are talkers and I'm not a talker, however I'm not afraid to say what needs to be said.

So I considered saying crazy because we all know that's true but I wanted to find a better word. Before I could answer SJ said creativity was one of my words.

A lot of people describe me as creative but I don't really feel like I'm a creative person. Crafty yes, artsy definitely, but creative… I don't know I feel like I copy a lot other ideas instead of making my own. 

Finally I came up with a word.

Voluptuous.

SJ looked at me with a strange look in her eyes and then started laughing.

"Maybe not..."

She told me when she thought of the word voluptuous she thought of someone like Marilyn Monroe. And that's when I explained her that I feel like I'm a very comfortable and confident in my skin.  Maybe voluptuous wasn't the correct word but that was what I was trying to describe.

So we changed it to sassy because we thought that combined the humor and confidence and outspokenness.

The other word we agreed upon was adventurer.  And not necessarily that I'm the next Christopher Columbus, but that I'm open to trying new things and going to new places, and that I get a thrill in doing those things, and I'm even willing to go solo instead of not doing something because I couldn't find anyone to go with.

Creative. Adventurer. Sassy.  

That really is me.

Then, we went about figuring out Sj's words.

I automatically gave her the word funny because she is hilarious, always laughing, always telling funny goofy stories, and I always find myself laughing around her...therefore she is funny. 

Then we decided she also was an adventurer but her definition was different because she's more of an I'll-travel-anywhere-bags-are-already-packed person.  Maybe we should have picked vacationer as her description.

We pondered on the third word for her.  She told me how someone described her as kind and she thought it was hilarious.

"I'm going to pick humble."

"Ohh I like that word. Tell me why you think I'm humble."  She said in a very self-absorbed jokingly way.

"Or maybe selfish...it's a toss up!"

We laugh it off and I told her that she is kind and giving, and she constantly offers a helping hand to anyone but she doesn't see those qualities in herself, hence picking humble as her word.  

Our conversation continued, tossing words around like how I'm nerdy, maybe smart, and a listener and how she's a talker, outgoing, and kind but constantly coming back to me being creative, sassy, and an adventurer and her being funny, an adventurer and humble.

"I think you need a word that describes how you keep trying things or like how you never gave up on D for a really long time or how you decided you wanted to try yoga and now you're trying to do a handstand. Most people give up or move on but not you. Oh what's a good word for that?"

"Stubborn? Stupid? Headstrong? Persistent?"

"No...hmm"

We never thought of the words that were in the tip of our tongues.  When I woke up the next day, I decide my words, although they did describe me, weren't fully me.

I sent SJ a text.  

Determined. Loyal. Open.

Determined to make things happen creatively, physical, mentally, even emotionally.

Loyal to my friends, my family, my workplace, my crushes, my faith and loyal to myself.

And open.  Open to life and adventures, to trying new things, to understanding things I can't explain, and open to inserting sassy comments at the precise moment.

I think I'm going to stick with these three words.  How do you describe me? What would you pick?  What are your three words for yourself? 

***Update... I've been asking people to pick three words to describe me and it's been fun hearing how everyone perceives me.  These are my parents answers:

Mom did two lists... her first thoughts... 1) creative 2) loyal and 3) joyous but ended with 1)fun-loving 2) stubborn but in a good way 3) loving and 4) sassy.  Clearly I get my indecisiveness from my mom.

I really like my dad's pick of words...in fact, I'm ready to use his instead of mine.  1) adventurous 2) bold and 3) insightful

I ask my brother for 3 but he came up with driven and never got back with me about the rest...I'll have to get on to him about that. I can't be driven and not follow through and not get answers!  But then again, this brother is 1) laid back 2) patient and 3) content.

Currently/May Wrap Up

Number of Dates: 0

Number of Movies in theater: 1

Avengers ****

Number of books read: 0

Number of times I went rollerskating: 3

Number of times I did yoga: 31

Number of hikes: 2

Number of bike rides: 2

Current status: Single

Current facebook status:  I can finally touch my toes!!!!!

Current weather: chilly and rainy

Current book: As You Wish by Cary Elwes

Current favorite song:  I have a few song I'm addicted to but I cannot get enough of Homegrown by Zac Brown Band....I got everything I need and nothing that I don't!

I'm also addicted to Tegan and Sara's Closer.




Current netfix marathoning tv show: Sons of Anarchy.  Now I see why so many people talk about this show!  It is so good!

Current need: for my cat to stop lying on my wrists so I can blog easier... also, I need sleep.

Current triumph: Completing the #30daystoflexy challenge (Blog coming soon)

Current outfit: My nasty, frumpy, around the house dress

Something I learned this month: Daily yoga really is more beneficial

Yesterday I… Went to Glow with the Flow Yoga Session, ordered pizza, and watched Rock of Ages.

Today I… went to church, hung around my parents all day, painted some potting plants

Tomorrow I… going to my acupuncture appointment and probably running errands

Mixed Signals...Like Always

About a year ago, I started getting a little bonus attention from a regular and when I got the guts to talk to him and see if it was me or the food he was interested in, I got the impression it was the food.  Fast forward a year of attempting to flirt between two bashful people and a spontaneous ice cream run, we can converse a little easier.

This morning, T. came in, and, as he does every other Saturday, his kid joined him.  T.K. is an adorable teenager.  He also thinks I make the world’s best chocolate chip pancakes.  When the server turned in their order, she gave me strict instructions.  “T.K. wants to make sure you know this is his order so you have to make it extra special.” 

I gave a thumbs up to the boys at the bar and did my best to make a chocolate chip mustache in the pancakes and made a face with whipped cream. 

It didn’t work out quite like I imagined….and my distress must have showed.  My boss walked around the corner and looked at my pancakes.  “What are you doing?”

In a voice barely above a whisper, so the boys at the bar would be kept in complete mystery to my surprise, I told her of my plan.  “Oh, this is for your fan club.”

“Oh yes.”

Yes.  I have a fan club.  There are several regulars who actually do come in just for my cooking, which is why a year ago, I was so confused about T’s attention.

Anyway, when I got the opportunity, I went out to talk to the boys and get my hugs from them.  And now that I’m a little more relaxed around them, I don’t feel so awkward when confusing mixed signals come around, like when I was pretty sure T.K. is a bit of a matchmaker.  Somewhere in this short conversation, T is saying he’s almost to the point he doesn’t need a woman anymore, but T.K. is looking at me with big eyes and shaking his head no.  “No, he doesn’t think that.  He wants someone.”

T hits T.K. on the back of the head.  And T.K. slips in something about no one should be lonely or something like that, and I quickly change the subject and ask it T.K. is done with school and ready for the summer.

A few minutes later, I head back to the grill and make breakfast for other people.  Normally, I wouldn’t read much into this mixed signal but here’s why this is even more interesting… the other night I had a dream that T.K. was playing matchmaker and wanted to make me chocolate chip pancakes when I came over.

Ironic…or a sign?

And, I really do want some chocolate chip pancakes.

Fit Spirit Yoga Mat Review

 

You know how I told you I'm a bit addicted to yoga?  Well, I have another confession to make...when I first started this challenge, I didn't even have a yoga mat, and then I found one that worked but wasn't the greatest, and then I had the opportunity to review a yoga mat (color of my choice) from Fit Spirit, so I jumped in.

I decided on the color purple.  It was not an easy choice because there was a bright green, and a red, and a light blue, and a pink, and a black... See my dilemma?!?!  I'm not joking, I closed my eyes and let fate decide while I spun my finger round and round. 

When I opened up the box I was surprised at the thickness of the yoga mat, even though I knew it was 0.5" thick, it didn't really register until I had the mat in my hands.  And, it was soft and squishy. 

My first thought wasn't a good thought since it reminded me of the yoga mats I use at class and I've grown to dislike them because they are slippery, and even though they're thick, they don't feel thick.  So, with that in mind, I rolled out the mat, and flowed from mountain pose to child's pose.  As soon as my knees hit the mat and I pushed my hips back for child's pose, I fell in love with this purple mat.  Seriously.

The yoga mat feels like it is made of memory foam, so not only did I sink into the mat while I was in a resting pose, but I found it even more enjoyable.  When I moved from plank to down dog, my hands felt cushioned in place and when they did move, I wasn't slipping and sliding all over the mat.  I felt more controlled in my practice and more comfortable, which is something I rarely feel since I'm newer to yoga.

Another great thing about this product is it comes with a strap to keep it rolled up and easy to carry.  You don't have to fight to fit it in a bag, just roll and Velcro, and be on your way. 

I highly suggest this yoga mat for anyone who is looking to start practicing yoga.  As I know well, when starting yoga, you spend a lot of time on your mat while watching instructors or videos show you how "simple" each pose is.  Then, you struggle, and often fall, or let your knees drop to the mat, and with this mat being thicker and sturdier, I really you'd find a little more comfort in this mat vs. something thinner. 

It's an excellent product, excellent quality, and something I intend to use in my daily practice...my biggest thing is getting my cat off my mat because she really loves it too.

Balcony Yoga

About six weeks ago I heard about a yoga class which was called "restaurant yoga."  It was brought to my attention because I work in a restaurant, and it started at the exact time I was done working, and it was only $5...so of course I went to check it out.

And you know what?

I've been doing yoga ever since.

Mostly because the master-yogi-class-instructor-leader-guy-who-rocks-the-man-bun said, "Jennee, we're doing a yoga challenge during the month of May, you should join us."

Naturally, I laughed because I'm a newbie at yoga.  I can't even touch my toes.  However, I decided at the end of 2014, I would get into yoga and do a handstand by the end of 2015.  (Go big or go home...)  I ended up agreeing to the challenge and I've been doing yoga every day since the start of this month.

Whenever it's nice outside, I take my mat to the balcony and do my stretches there.  My balcony faces the back of a building, so there is plenty of privacy for me while I attempt to make up a flow of movements on my own.  I'm learning it is much easier to do what the instructor tells you to do versus making it up on a whim.  My flow is a bit choppy and I usually spend most of my time in child's pose.

I've really been enjoying doing the challenge.  Every day I patiently wait for a picture to appear in my instagram feed telling me the pose of the day.  Most days I scratch my head and wonder if they remember a beginner is doing the challenge with them, but that hasn't stopped me.  I do my best to get into these poses, even if it is only long enough for a picture.

If you haven't seen my yoga in progress then you need to check me out on instagram!  But until then, here is some of my balcony yoga.

 

On a side note, my faithful loving cat, Miss Prim, loves doing yoga with me.  Or maybe she just really loves yoga.  Or maybe just my mat... because she's always ready to do some stretches or help me improve my strength and making me hold my pose even longer.



 

If you've never gone to a yoga class, I highly suggest it.  It is so different from other types of work outs.  Each time I leave class, I feel better, physically and mentally, and that doesn't always happen with zumba or rollerskating or bike riding.  And if you're local... let's do yoga together!