Love Locks

I've always wanted to go to Paris.  Ever since I knew what and where the Eiffel Tower was, I've daydreamed about going to the city of love and romance.  The more I learned about Paris though, I realized there were other things I would like to do there besides see the Eiffel Tower.  Quickly growing on my travel to do list was Pont des Arts Bridge, also known as the Love Lock Bridge.  However, in June of 2015, they removed over one million locks because the weight of the locks was damaging the bridge.  Sadly, I took Pont des Arts Bridge off of my list of things to do when I make it in Paris.

Over the weekend, I went to Niagara Falls.  Not quite Paris but the travel plans did include my passport so it was pretty legit to me. (It would be even more legit if they stamped my passport but I can't have everything!)  As most of you know, I also love chasing waterfalls.  I've hiked all over Ohio finding little treasures of nature hidden off trails.  Niagara Falls was less hiking and more water.  Wow water! Seriously breathtaking.

Don't believe me.... take a look...

The weekend went really fast and I promise I will fill you in on all my adventures but on Sunday morning, I was saying farewell to the majestic waterfall and thought about all the people crazy enough to go over the falls in a barrel.  I snapped a photo of the danger sign, and that's when I saw it... the game changer....

So tiny and hardly noticeable... but as soon as I saw it, my smile exploded with pure joy!  I found a love lock.  I looked down a little further on the rail and there was another one, and then another, and then another!   I counted 65 from the bus stop on Niagara Parkway to my parking spot a little over 1/4 mile away.  SIXTY FIVE!  At first my goal was to find 30... and then 50....so I was ecstatic when I counted 65.

Imagine my excitement when I found one with JEN carved in the lock.

I think this was my favorite thing about the trip because I stumbled upon it and I'm curious how many more love locks will be there next time I visit Niagara Falls.  

Roald Dahl was right, "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in unlikely places.  Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

Death at Apartment 13

Happy Labor Day!

Hope all is going better for you than it did for the resident down the hall from me.  I don't know the full story but this is my point of view.

I woke up Monday with a little skip in my step.  It was a day without work, one that would start of with breakfast with a dear friend and ending with hanging out with my parents while enjoying the beautiful day.  I headed out of my apartment, locking the door behind me, then searched my purse for my phone since I'm just scattered brained enough where I can't ever remember if I grabbed my phone or not.  I headed down the hallway and noticed the door to apartment 13 was cracked open.  I turned to walk down the stairs when two unfamiliar faces were walking up the stairs with a frazzled look on their face.

I offered a cheesy smile and a quick hello but they ignored me and kept walking.  I headed out the front door and saw the ambulance, lights flashing as they loaded the gurney, yet the paramedics weren't in any rush.  I made my way to my car, wondering if I should wait for the ambulance to speed off to the hospital (which is less than a block away... which on a complete side note, may I suggest moving near a hospital because you NEVER lose electricity for more than a minute when you're on the same grid as them... something to think about...) Instead of rushing away, the ambulance sat there... and then turned off the lights.

To me, this is a sure sign of death.  Then again, the slow movement from the paramedics was a sign of death.  The covered gurney was a sign of death.  There was a lot of signs pointing to death.  I don't even know who lived in apartment 13, and part of me wonders if the tenant had been dead long or if it was a heart attack while others were visiting and could call the ambulance.  I really don't know.

I guess you never really know about the lives of people, even with they are a few rooms away.

Creeper in the woods

It seems like I hike more times alone than I do with others.  I don't know why this is, but when I'm solo in nature, hiking is more of an experience.... spiritual, emotional, mental... and when I'm with others, I miss out on the beauty of the earth or something.  When I am alone in the woods I am lost in everything natural.  

So, into the woods, I walked one mid-morning, killing time before I started the day at my temporary job.  I wanted to breathe some fresh air, let go of some stress, and do some yoga.  Instead of going to the left towards the blue path, like I always do, I went to the right, the unmarked path that once lead me to a pavilion.  I wasn't too concerned about this detour but as I walked into this small little corner of the woods, I saw an older gentleman caressing a tree.  I immediately thought of the scene from Superstar! but hoped he was some sort of naturalist or scientist, examining the tree with a purpose of knowledge.

I walked a little faster, and finally found a spot to do my yoga, only I could feel this guys eyes on me, and I was starting to feel panicked while hiking... the first time since my very first solo hike.  I don't panic in the woods, this is my safe haven....but my heart was racing and I didn't like knowing this guy was in the woods with me.  

I attempted to set up my phone to take a picture but either I was nervous or it just wasn't happening because the creeper guy in the woods noticed my struggle.  

"Are you trying to take a picture or something?"  He asked as he slowly approached me in traditional creeper fashion.

"Oh yeah, I do this all the time.... Just doing some yoga."  I nervously replied.

"You know, I could take a picture for you.  It can't be that hard."  

Famous last words.

I didn't feel comfortable with him taking my picture so I switched up on the yoga pose I was going to do and told him I would do the tree pose.  I handed him my brand new not even 24 hours old iphone 5 and told him to snap a picture once my hands were in the air.

I don't know what he did because as I got into my pose, the look on his face said everything.  Instead of hitting the capture photo button, he hit the image of the camera which means reverse... and so, I ended up with several pictures of this on my phone....

Because not only did he take photos of himself, the camera was going crazy snapping pictures several at a time.  I had no idea what he hit but they were going off and soon he handed me back my phone.... I couldn't get the phone to stop taking pictures!

Needless to say, I felt a little bit better knowing I could identify the creeper if I needed to since he gave me several selfies of him.  Finally, I showed him how to use my camera and he took a lovely picture of me doing tree pose, and then we went our separate ways, and occasionally, I would look back and see him looking my way.   My walk was nearly a jog until I made it back on the blue path...and you know what, I haven't been hiking solo since.... maybe I'll learn to love and admire nature in the company of friends!

Finding the Calm

I'm sure most of you are wondering if I walked away from the blogosphere again.  I haven't, I've just been busy, and scatterbrained, and busy.  The truth is, I've had so much going on that I haven't even thought about giving myself a little me time because I think if I do that, I'll start getting anxiety from feeling like I'm in over my head.

Whats been going on you ask?

Well, I quit my job.  It was time.  I've spent all of 2015 focusing on finding positive energy and getting rid of anything toxic in my life.  I've made huge progress with this but unfortunately, my work situation went from positive to toxic, very fast.  I suppose when you get promised a raise and promotion but then it's handed off to an arrogant son, it makes it hard to keep doing your best at a job with no future.  And to make it worse, the son constantly picked at every little thing you did wrong... oh there is still dirty dishes in the sink at 11:00, well that's because I can't do dishes, cook, prep, bake and clean all at the same time.  So, I gave a short noticed.  I told them I'd finish out the week, do the next week if they really wanted me too, but I was so DONE that another week sounded like torture.  Instead, they told me to leave my key and that I was no longer needed, that I wouldn't receive my final paycheck until I turned in my t-shirts.  And then they released my phone number since I was on their phone plan.

They did this on a Friday.  I couldn't call about it until Monday, which seemed fine, until my phone stopped working on Sunday.  So, I headed to Verizon and got there at 6:04 pm, and naturally, they closed at 6, so I ran to walmart to get a month to month plan.  The not-so-helpful employee told me I wouldn't be able to keep my same number without my account info, pin, etc, etc, etc.... none of this information my former boss would give me, not that I had a way to contact them anyway.  I purchased a month to month pack after the not-so-helpful employee told me my phone was compatible for this packet.  I went over to my brothers to set up my new plan that was "easy to activate" except it wasn't.

We spent TWO hours trying to figure out why my phone wouldn't connect.  As it turns out.... my phone wasn't compatible.

Long frustrated sigh.

I've been doing upholstery now that I'm no longer working at the restaurant.  I don't mind the work.  It's hard work but I always feel accomplished after I do it.  My plan was to sort through this phone issue after I was done working however the deadline for the order was Tuesday, so I didn't leave until the order was complete...

So, I returned my phone kit and headed to AT&T at 8:03p.m., and guess what... they closed at 8:00!

I was ready to punch someone.  However, my man friend gave me a hug and told me not to worry, and that everything will work out.  He insisted I go on his phone plan because it would be the cheapest option for me.  I told him it felt a little soon to be going on his phone plan since we've only been dating for two weeks but he insisted, and then insisted some more, and then told me to relax and let him take care of it.

Apparently I don't like giving up control.

The next day, I had a new phone number, and the man friend insisted I upgrade my phone to something a little better.  I eventually caved and then had a secret anxiety attack when I had to pay for the phone seeing how I'm kinda unemployed at the moment.

I dropped of my shirts at the former workplace where I was given the cold shoulder by the boss, but soon received texts from all my coworkers telling me how much they missed me being there, how my bosses act like I never existed, my name is never mentioned, etc, and that how things are getting even worse.  It makes me feel like I made the right decision at the right time.

AND then I got an email from my former boss telling me he was holding my final paycheck until I returned the phone.... yes, the phone they gave me instead of giving me a raise.  The anxiety I had about buying a newer phone was gone, but I was still angry.  Mostly because I intended on giving the phone to my former coworker Brian who had lost his phone 3 weeks ago and he just needs a break in life.  I have yet to turn in the phone but I'll do so when I'm done blogging.

So, things are kinda chaotic in my life right now, but I'm hoping to take a little time for myself and get back to the things that make me feel better about life, like writing, and hiking, and home cooked meals.

A Confused SWF

I decided to do a quick load of laundry today.  (Don't worry, this will be a great  decent  post, and not about laundry...)  I loaded up the dirties in to my portable tote, grabbed a handful of quarters, and opened the door to what I thought was an empty hallway.

"Hey boo."  I hear from behind me.

Out of habit, I respond with "heeeeeeeyyyyyy!!!!" And really, I say it out of habit since my co-worker always says "hey boo" to me.  And then I realized I wasn't at work, oh no, I actually said that to the neighbor in apartment #18.

"How you've been gurl?"  He asks, and even though I'm walking in the opposite direction down the hall, I can feel his eyes on me.

"I'm good, how are you?"  I respond.

"You still got dates?"  He asks, referring to the time a few weeks ago when he asked me to go out with him and I told him "It's complicated, I'm kind of seeing someone."  (Because at the time, I actually thought I was kind of seeing someone.... and I didn't want to go on a date with apartment #18 guy named Willie.)

"Yes...sorry."  I said, shrugging my shoulders and continued walking.

"Let me know if that changes."  He said, flashing me a grin.

I rolled my eyes and turned into the laundry room, and naturally my thoughts went to TT.... the guy that made things complicated.  Truth was, he stopped talking to me cold turkey, and it's really given me a complex, mostly because I can't understand how someone could actively pursue me for a year, then when things start actually happening, he vanishes.

So, I did what any single female would do when these questions start forming in her mind, I stalked TT on facebook.  Even though we aren't official facebook friends, I could still see his profile picture, and as it turns out, his new profile picture explained everything.  There he was, with a giant smile on his face, and a woman wrapped in his arms.

Clearly, I am not that woman.

Ah, yes, I was someone on the side....again.

And even though I'm currently talking to someone new and going on dates (see, I didn't lie to #18) I'm still really bothered with TT just leaving me hanging.  Why couldn't he man up and tell me it wasn't working or that he wasn't interested now that he was getting to know me instead of just dropping off the face of the earth when I thought things were actually starting to go somewhere?

I guess I've never been good at dating because I've never really understood it.  In my mind, if you're talking to someone, you continuously communicate with them, whether it's good or bad, because you can't build any type of a relationship without communication.... and trying to figure out hints, clues and codes, is a waste of time.

So, while my laundry is turning, I've been trying to delete TT's number out of my phone but I'm finding it to be much more difficult than it should be...

the struggle is so real.

Motivation Monday

I used to hate my body.  No, wait, I was disgusted with my body.  More than that, I hated myself because of how I looked on the outside.  I did not have a healthy self-esteem.  For years, I convinced myself if I'd get to a certain weight or size then I would love myself but the self hatred hated me so much I couldn't change anything about my body.  I remained miserable until one day I had had enough.

I made myself find one thing that I loved about my body and do you know what it was?  It was my cheesy and slightly crooked smile with the gap between the front teeth.  And then I realized I loved the two moles beside my left eye.  And then it was my nose... and so on, until I realized that I actually loved my looks and flaws.  They were me and mine.  The thing was, I wasn't taking care of myself, and so I started making slow changes in my daily life, breaking bad habits and starting better ones.

It's a journey I'm still on but I'll tell you one thing, taking care of myself and creating my own happiness was one of the healthiest choices I have ever made.  I work out because I love my body.  I make healthy choices because I love feeling good.  I changed my lifestyle to be positive and happy instead of always being sad and depressed.

Are you taking care of your body because you love it?  Or are you destroying your body because you hate it?  Are you working out in hopes of having a body you love?  Because if you are, you won't ever find it.  You have to love what you already have and if you want maybe you'll shine it up, or tone up, a little bit, but do it because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself.

So tell me, what do you love about your body?

Starting Over Again

A few years ago, I realized it was time to get healthy.  I was overweight, and I'd struggled to get the weight off for years, but then I finally had an epiphany and realized that being healthy was more important than being skinny.  I started making changes.  I moved more, and made healthier choices.  

I would love to tell you that I saw immediate results on my body, but I didn't.  Sure, I was feeling better, looking better, my acne wasn't as bad, I didn't have bad morning breath, and my confidence was boosting, but I wasn't seeing the physical results I thought I would see.

Fast forward ten years of battling with my weight and discovering a large nodule on my neck. Insert fear, getting tested for cancer, and having an eye opening experience that if I don't focus more on my health and well-being, I won't ever get any better.

Even though I thought I was being healthy...as it turns out, I was not being healthy at all.  I was making excuses and making up for them by eating salads.  However, once I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, I started learning more about the importance of living a healthy lifestyle.  In the last year, I've learned more about clean eating and once I gave up gluten and dairy, and took supplements to help my thyroid and my body started changing.  Those physical results I was looking for over the last ten years, showed up in three months!  

I maintained my weight loss until the holidays, and then, I decided to give myself a break.  Back to sugar, back to junk food... and soon, back to depression and feeling horrible.  It's taken me almost six months to cut everything back out again, so I'm starting over...again.

I'm not mad at myself for gaining a little weight back.  I've stayed active and I've acknowledged when I've been bad.  The whole point is to work at it one day at a time, and that is exactly what I plan to do.

I am going to start up a 7 day clean eating group on facebook and I'm searching for workout buddies (ah hem SJ) or accountability partners.  I've learned it is so much easier to succeed at everything when you have a great support group around you, and that is what I am looking for.  I know I am the only one who can make the changes I need to make, but it'll be so much better knowing I have friends who have my back and beg me to keep moving...and put down the ice cream.