Perfect Match

I've analyzed many things in my head but the one I probably obsess over the most is how and why I am single.

And then I realized the answer as I was getting ready to meet a guy from match.com on Saturday night.

Dating gives me anxiety.   It used to be about whether or not I was good enough or attractive enough because I was stuck in a world ruled by societies view of me.  And then it was about what everyone else would think about me being in a relationship and if my friends and family would approve of the person I was dating (which they never have so I've gotten over that anxiety).

Then, as I was standing in my kitchen, falling back into bad habits of emotional eating as a way to fix my anxiety, I realized that it's never the actual date itself that gives me anxiety.  It's all the possibilities that come along with a date.

Like, was the guy I was about to meet going to be the freaking love of my life?  Would I immediately fall head over heels in love with him?  Would we run off and get married and have children?  Would we grow old together?  Would we pick out plots side by side in the grave yard?  Or, would he be a dud?  Would it be another long evening filled with disappointments?  Would it be so bad that I start to question why I'm even looking for love to begin with?  Did I even want marriage and children after being alone for so long?  What was I even doing?

These were just a few of the thoughts running through my head as I was making another microwaved smore which is not on my current eating plan.  Don't worry, I got a few veggies with my salsa that I had a little bit later.

Even after all the progress I've made in overcoming my emotional eating, binge snacking, and many other unhealthy ways, I found myself throwing it all out the window because of a date.  Did I want to make myself less desirable because if I felt bad on the inside then I wouldn't look as good on the outside?  Was it because deep down I don't think I'm good enough to be desired for longer than a few months, that I'd become a bore after a while?  Or is it just the fear of the unknown future that cripples me?

By the end of my date on Saturday night, I knew my previous emotional eating was added calories that'll I'll have to work even harder to get off.   The date was a dud.  Well, actually, I had a lot of fun at the Ashland Balloonfest but he was a dud.  He was a complete bore.  He was a home body who'd never taken a single risk in his life.  He was so dull he didn't even have any hobbies or interests.

A few days prior to this date, I let my 10-year-old niece play on my phone.  She likes using all the snapchat filters.  Especially the one that makes her look like a cute little puppy.  She saw that I had the match app on my phone.  "Aunt Jennee!  WHAT is THAT doing on YOUR phone?!?!!?"

I coolly responded, "Aunt Jennee is looking for a boyfriend so she can someday get married and have little cousins for you to play with."  This answer put a smile on her face.

"Can I help you look?"

"GLADLY!"  I responded immediately, though her dad was not too keen on the idea of her looking at older men, even if it was to help her aunt find true love.

"That one is too old, he has too many tattoos, and he looks scary...."  We quickly went through all the matches of the day.  Whenever she would come across one that she wasn't sure about if I would be interested in him or not, I would say, can you see me hanging out with this guy? This pattern repeated every day I saw her and while she was scanning the searches, her dad was giving me the evil eye.

One day, she looked up from my phone....
"Aunt Jennee, I found someone for you.  I think he is your perfect match!"

My ears perked up.  "Oh really?!?!"

She pulled up his profile.  "Look, he's 6'0" tall, he's a Christian, he loves hiking and going to the gym, and he's looking for someone JUST LIKE YOU!"  She excitedly tells me as she points out his preferences of a woman 25-35 within 50 miles of Mansfield.  "He wants someone who has dark brown hair!  You have dark brown hair!  And look, he was in the military.  I think you should wink at him.  Can you wink at him pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeee?"

Her eyes sparkled as she hit the wink button for me.  We set the phone aside and went back to whatever we were doing prior to the quest for my true love.  A few minutes later, my niece summons me into the other room.  In a voice just a hint louder than a whisper, she said, "Aunt Jennee, I really think the military guy is your perfect match.  Do you think he will email you?"  She was as serious as a 10 year-old can get. "He's a Christian too.  You guys would be so perfect together!"

We both blush at the thought and get back to playing.

Though I haven't received any new messages from anyone on match, I find myself calm and ready for love it were to come my way.  I just hope I can find ways to calm the anxiety of the actual dating part so I can someday make it that far.

But at least I have my niece keeping her eyes open for me.  (Seriously, every time she takes my phone I have to check and see how many guys she "winked" at on match for me!  I do have to say, she seems to know my type because everyone she's picked for me does seem like a pretty good match.)

Online Dating is Just Like Online Business

The two of you who read this blog already know that I have an online health and fitness business, which has been growing enough for me to give my team a little pep talk.  I thought this pep talk was too good not to share, so enjoy!

So, I kinda had a moment today when I was thinking about whether or not I should get back into online dating or not.  Let’s compare online dating to our online business.

When it comes to online dating, you really have to put yourself out there.  Like really…. Because everyone on the other side of the screen is completely judging you by your profile picture…and if they even read your profile, it better be convincing.  If it isn’t… you deal with a lot of rejection and shut doors… even if you really are a great catch. 

And then you see someone who really catches your eye and you send a little hello…conversation is flowing and you can’t wait to meet so you say “let’s meet up for coffee” but then the messages slow down and instead of acting like you would in real life and just take it one day at a time… online it’s different… time is ticking, you could be missing another minute with your soul mate…and so you lose patience and become that whiny, “why don’t you like me, are you not interested in me, are you talking to someone else…” Suddenly you have a complex and you decide dating really isn’t for you anyway, even though there is that slight hope that…if only someone would give you a chance…..nudging in the back of your mind.

But let’s say you do meet someone for coffee, and it turns into date number 2, date number 3…oh man, things are starting to get serious… like announce your relationship status to facebook… all you do is post pictures about how in love you are and how happy you are….but again, on the other side of the screen people are wondering….are they a good match, are they really that happy or are they just putting on a show?  Then heartbreak….delete profile, delete pictures, block number…solitude.  You decide you are better off as an old spinster and never give love a chance again…because why bother when it’s always going to end?  Yet that little spark of HOPE never leaves you…because maybe someday, it’ll happen…if you just keep being you.  You don’t when it will happen, so you put yourself out there again, hoping you have found the one.

So, online business…. We have to put ourselves out there.  And even though we might be feeling a little desperate, you can never show that desperation because it’s a big turn off.  You deal with a lot of rejection.  Sometimes people are immediately turned off because they think all you want to do is make a sale, and…some might just not be that in to you…so you put on your adult underwear and you take on the day.  You post your progress pictures, you show the world you are making a difference…and then you hit a wall.  You didn’t reach your goals.  You didn’t advance in rank.  You rushed into it based on a feeling and ignored logic.  So, you think about quitting….but you KNOW you can do this deep down inside of you, and so you post a CTA and you plant another seed because you know you’ll be a great leader as soon as someone gives you the chance.

All this to say…believe in yourself because any moment, you could turn someone’s life around and live happily ever after.

It's Probably for the Best

I've been talking to a guy off and on for probably four years.  We've never met in person.  We chatted through an online dating site for a while but he was always too slow and I'd meet someone else before we'd even discuss meeting.  I'd delete my profile and move on.  Six months later, I'd sign up again, and say hello to my trusty old friend online.

A few weeks ago, I decided to get on this website just to say hello to him.  He was still there and so I sent him a message before he sent me his typical, "well, hello again" message.  I sent him a fiesty, "what, you are still here?" first.

We caught up, reminded each other a few things about each other that we'd forgotten.  He told me that he thought of me one time when he passed by a roller skating rink.  I took this as a good sign, considering I hadn't thought of him until I considered doing online dating again.

I lasted on the site for 3 days before inappropriate messages started talking over. (I get it, it's a free dating website but come on people, have a little decency and respect.  I would never walk up to the stranger and ask to see them naked...)  So I sent him a message including my phone number and wished him the best, if I never heard from him again.

I had hope for one day but my phone never beeped.

Three days later, I looked at my phone with amazement.  He texted me.  And we talked via text all night, and then the next night, and then the next night.  He suggested coffee, and maybe a movie, and I found myself getting more and more giddy with every text.

I was being patient, waiting for him to tell me when he would be free for this coffee meet up or possible movie.  We became facebook friends.  We sent each other stupid pictures. Two weeks went by.  Some days we would talk, other days we wouldn't, but when we did, it would be for hours.

The other night, in the midst of our lovely evening of texting, I told him I wanted to take him up on his coffee offer this weekend.

He responded with... "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship.  You seem like a really, really nice girl but it's me."

WTF?

I reminded him that meeting for coffee was not establishing a relationship.  It was meeting for coffee, and that I just wanted to meet him in person.  There was no pressure of anything beyond a first in person meet up.

He told me there was too much wrong with him for him to be in a relationship.

Naturally, I was intrigued.

I tried to get him to open up but he shut me out.  So, I suggested he try to fix what was so wrong with him and I'd still like to get coffee sometime.

A few days went by and he didn't message me.  So yesterday, I sent him a message to see if he wanted to get that coffee sometime.

No response.  24 hours later...still no response.

I was disappointed....I am disappointed.  I told a few of my friends about this situation and most of them replied, "it's probably for the best.."  after all, he did say he wasn't ready for a relationship....

So yes, it's probably for the best I don't meet someone I'm actually interested in getting to know.
It's probably for the best I don't meet someone I'm attracted to.
It's probably for the best I stop talking to someone I've really enjoyed talking to the past few weeks.
It's probably for the best I don't meet someone with similar interests and beliefs.
It's probably for the best I don't put myself out there.
It's probably for the best I remain single.
It's probably for the best.

The thing is, all this time, I actually thought I was single because it was me and I went about furiously trying to "fix" myself so I'd be more dateable and desirable to the opposite sex.

What I'm starting to realize is the people around me keep discouraging me from meeting someone or giving it a shot.

They think it's for the best I don't get my heart involved, it's for the best I play it safe, it's for the best....

I understand they are trying to protect me from heartache and pain.

Is that probably for the best?

Random Act of Kindness Fail

If you follow me on Instagram, you probably know I'm currently doing a yoga challenge mixed with a kindness challenge.  It's the #KarmaCyclesKindess challenge there.  Every day, along with a yoga pose, we also suggest an act of kindness.  It's ranged from mailing out a card for someone to letting the person go in front of you in life to sending a text to a friend letting them know you are thinking of them.  Fairly simple kindness stuff that we should probably always do, but often forget to.

Since kindness as been on my mind a little more than normal, I saw a moment where I could really help someone out.  Let me set the scene.

I just pulled in my car to the parking lot of my apartment complex.  As I was getting out of my car, I noticed a young woman getting out of hers.  She had groceries in one hand, a baby in a carrier in the other, and was trying to figure out how to grab the door gate sitting on the trunk of her car.  I rushed over, and said, "Please let me help you!  You have so much stuff in your hands already."

"Really?" She hesitated, but then agreed and I grabbed the baby gate...which wasn't locked and swung open to full size.

"Whoa, wasn't expecting it to do that..." I said, laughing it off.  "Do you want me to carry some of your groceries?  I still have a free hand."

She declined.  I'm sure she was thinking I'd probably accidentally drop them since my first move was rather klutzy.  We made small talk as we walked up the sidewalk.  Her son was 9 months old and she'd just moved in the building in November.

The complex requires a key to get into the building.   It's a bit of a hassle and I often complain that if the landlord would just give us decent locks on our apartment doors, there would be no need for this extra security locked door entrance.  She agreed with my statement and added that it's impossible to open when you have your hands full.  She asked how I managed to carry in groceries, open the door and make it upstairs?  I admitted, I do it as fast as possible and I'm often out of breath by the time I get to my door.

I told her I would unlock the door since my hands were free.  I grabbed my keys and immediately dropped them.  I'm normally not this dropsy but for some reason, I really was this particular day!  Not only did I drop my keys, but the key to the main door somehow jammed up inside of the key ring.   I shook it but it didn't budge.  I shifted the other keys.  It wasn't coming out.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, I've been trying to be helpful but it's been nothing but a disaster."  I apologized.

"Here... just take my keys."  She said with a bit of frustration.  I opened the door and walked with her to her door, dropping the gate off and wishing her a good day.  She thanked me for my efforts and I headed on my way, somewhat wondering why karma wasn't making my act of kindness easy!

I had to take all my keys off the key chain in order to fix the key jam I'd managed to do earlier by dropping my keys, just so I could get in the door.  Once I made it in side, I sat down on my futon and thought... kindness is so much harder than it seems!

Fixed

Do you know what is really frustrating? When someone tells you that you can do better, or you need a better job, or you would look better if….etc. I understand people might be concerned about your well-being when they tell you these things but at the same time, all they are saying is, “you’re not good enough where you are at right now.” Yet, they never seem to care if you are actually happy where you are at the moment.

We live in a society where everyone has a quick fix. A society where there are constant updates and upgrades for newer and better. We are very materialistic society who brag about fancy cars and new phones, and get into relationships for a status title.

This isn’t helping how we treat other people.

People are not things, yet we treat them as if they are fixable and replaceable. If we are constantly trying to fix someone, we miss a pretty big part in the relationship with someone, and that is LOVING them for WHO they ARE, right now.

Whether we have it all together or are falling apart, no one can fix anyone else. Fixing is a one person and inside job, and it’s a journey to become satisfied with who you are in every stage of this crazy life. There is a fine line between encouraging someone to live at their full potential and telling them what they need to change to fit how you see them living their life.

I dated a guy once who told me he only dated women who needed to be fixed. I told him "he can’t fix people, especially if they don’t think they are broken. I used to want to fix people but then I saw it was more about how I wanted them to act than letting them be who they are."

Any time someone tries to help me “better” myself, I just want to scream out… “I don’t want to be fixed. I want to be loved.”

The next time you find yourself offering advice on how to get someone out of their messy situation, think about loving them instead. A hug will go a lot further than harsh words, love with go further than lashing out solutions, and understanding and respecting where they are in life will make a bigger difference than burdening them with how they can be good enough in society's standards. The only fix you can offer someone is love.

The Selfie Stick

I'm not going to lie... I feel a lot of pressure to write this story because I know when I write it, it has to be perfect!  However, if I don't write it now, it may never get written and that would be an even bigger disappointment than writing it poorly.  Gulp, so here it goes.

As most of you know, I love hiking and chasing waterfalls.  About two years ago, I realized there are waterfalls all over Ohio even though cities with names like Cuyahoga FALLS, Chagrin FALLS, Newton FALLS...etc never helped me to make this connection until I started looking for waterfalls.  Ever since then, I've made it my mission to see as many waterfalls in Ohio...and I think I'm doing a pretty fine job.

The final day of January, the weather in Ohio was spectacular.  Mid fifties with a little bit of wind.  Not normal temperatures for this time of year.  And when there is nice weather, you better believe that me and SJ are on some sort of outdoor adventure.  We ventured to the Wilmont area to see Dundee Falls.  I'd seen this one before however, after I went, I learned there was another one in the same area...unfortunately, I couldn't find anything via internet research, so I headed to Dundee Falls.

We went prepared for muddy ground, and I even grabbed the hiking stick which as been residing in my trunk for the last year.  I never use hiking sticks, and the only reason why I have this hiking stick is because a friend I used to go hiking with a lot, preferred hiking with sticks, and I kept it in my trunk since I usually drove to the place we'd hike.

I prefer to have free hands when I walk, however, I knew it was going to be super muddy, so I grabbed the stick.  About 1/8 of a mile in, I started regretting the hiking stick.  I needed free hands!  I needed to be able to grab branches while I climbed instead of holding on to a stick.  Stick or not, we made it safely to Dundee Falls.

We ventured down the stream for a while but decided we would go back and drive to the other parking spot to find the other waterfall.  According to SJ, if it took her friend Shawn 6 months to find it, there was no way we were going to find it on our first attempt.  Instead, we climbed up the side of the ledge and admired the view.  

I didn't take my "real" camera with me for this hiking adventure which turned out to be a major bummer.  However, I did take my tripod claw thingy...as I like to call it.  I don't really know what it's called, but it's an tripod for an iphone with gripper legs.

 I found it useful to wrap it around branches and take yoga selfies on my last hike, so I brought it along for this adventure.  SJ and I found a really pretty spot to do a random photo shoot and I pulled out my tripod claw thingy.  I looked around for a branch to hook it on, but there was nothing near where we were...however, I did have my hiking stick!

"Perfect, this will work!'  I twisted the claw on the stick and was ready to go, but SJ was in tears from laughing.

"You just made a selfie stick!!!!!"

And then we laughed for the next ten minutes.

We're pretty sure this is what actually happened when someone invented the selfie stick.  The hiking stick was no longer used for hiking, just for photos.  

And it worked great!

We ventured back to the car and took a left, and then another left, as Shawn had told SJ.  These were our directions to get to the other parking lot...only we quickly discovered, this wasn't accurate.  We drove around trying to figure out where to go next.  We knew nothing would be marked because nothing about this place is marked.  No trails, no parking signs, nothing.  It really is one of those, if you don't know where you are going, you'll never find it places.

Yet, somehow we found it.  (For the record, Shawn would have been right if SJ would have told him how we got to the first one....because from where we were at the second spot, it was a left and then another left to get back to where we started...)  

And boy, we were glad we did.

Talk about breathtaking!

We climbed back behind the frozen waterfall and felt the ice cold water that was melting drip over our hands.  It was magical!

And then, we pulled out the selfie stick and took some more pictures...of us laughing... because it's still funny.

My Co-Worker...Dorie.

Things in the shop are picking up.  In fact, they've gotten so busy that TWO part time people have been hired.  I was really excited about this for the mere fact the pressure of completing the entire orders on my own was gone!

The one lady is older and she is hilarious.  In fact, she might be the funniest person I've ever met.  (Sorry SJ, you are hilarious and still in the top 5)  When I first met her though, she told me she wasn't very smart and almost flunked kindergarten.

I thought she was joking.

The more I tried to train her, the more I realized she just didn't get it.  Nothing was "hitting home" yet, I persisted on teaching her the same thing in a variety of ways.  I even asked her if she was an audio learner, visual learner, hands on learner....etc....I just needed something to go by to help her understand.

She's been working two days a week and when she came in yesterday, she looked defeated.   She had taken her normal work day off because her cousin passed away so I thought maybe she was feeling down about that, and so I asked.  "Is everything okay?"

"You know, I just don't think I can do this anymore.  I don't know if it's my age or how physically hard this job is but I feel like rice krispies...all I do is snap, crackle and pop.  I really don't know how you do this every day.  I heard she was hiring someone else so I'm just gonna let her know that I'm the weakest link and I really did try.  You are a great teacher."

I give her a smile because I know how hard this job is however, I also know how much work we have to do and how desperate we are for any help, whether they can move fast or slow.  "When she said she was hiring, that didn't mean she was replacing you, I promise, when we went over the tasks for this week, your name was on a lot of them.  Maybe you can request some of the easier jobs or only one day a week?"   I offer the suggestion because I know my boss is going to panic when she gives her notice.

As I left work that day, I gave my coworker a wave goodbye and asked if I'd see her tomorrow, since she was on the schedule.  She shrugged and told me she'd call me and let me know.

This morning, I pulled into work and my coworker was waiting in her car.  I opened up the door and gave her a smile.  Without missing a beat, she said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm still here."  She fills me in on the talk and it went similar to our talk.  My boss told her we'd give her all the easy jobs....however, we still had the weeks plan of her tasks, which weren't so easy.  I did my best to alter the plans but we still had to get it done for the shipment.

It was in the mist of all this, this coworker decided to give out nicknames....my boss is Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke.  And I am Rose the Riveter.    (It's not so random... we have the picture hanging up in the shop)

But this is when I made the connection my coworker is Dorie.  Seriously.  She has no memory.  She's easily distracted.  She's always cracking jokes.  She is Dorie but in person!  I came to this conclusion because I just finished showing her how to do a new job, and this Miss Kitty asked her to help her a second by holding the trash can down so she could pull out the trash.  Dorie happily helped, and then emptied all the trash cans.  She finally came back to her original task and said, "Ok, I don't remember what I was doing.  First day on the job..."

Dorie did however tell Miss Kitty a few days ago that I needed a raise for putting up with her and training her and retraining her, and double checking everything.  It worked!  I was super excited about a well needed raise.

Anyway, we had a good laugh about calling her Dorie, then she asked us to never tell anyone her new nickname along with her real name because if anyone found out about it, they'd all agree 100% with me and call her Dorie for the rest of her life.

Later, I asked her why she didn't do stand up comedy because her comments are always so perfectly timed, and naturally, she answered with a comical response, without missing a beat.... "I'm too tired to stand up so I'd have to do it lying down."

Dorie.  

She keeps us laughing.  I really hope we can find some "easy" jobs for her because I really enjoy her humor.  However, after today and her "easy" jobs, she's still considering surrendering to old age, even though she knows we desperately need her help!