Saturday, April 11, 2015

Pretty. Stupid.

I'm feeling pretty stupid right now.

It's kinda ridiculous.

Like I'm an emotional mess kind of pretty stupid.

And why?


I don't know what has gotten into me.  Actually, I do know what has gotten in to me.... HOPE has gotten into me and now I'm starting to doubt what I thought and what I felt and what I assumed.

It all started when the tattooed tipper came in.  We waved and Heather ran over beside me and gushed to me about him.  "I don't know what it is about him but he really gets my heart racing.  I think I might dump my old man and chase him down."

I was not aware Heather was crushing on the tattooed tipper but after she told me this, he gave me the signal to come give him a hug.  I walked over and he wrapped his arms around me so tight and gave me a big bear hug.  He seriously gives the best hugs.  This hug was exceptionally big and I swear he lifted me up off of my feet while hugging me.  I suppose that is one way to sweep a girl off her feet. 

"Wow, that was a big one!"  I exclaimed.

"How's my favorite girl?"  He asked while he sat back down on his bar stool.

We made small talk and somehow we get on to the topic of what he sells at his toy shop.

"Magic cards, D&D..." he rattled on while I shook my head telling him no interested in the merchandise, and then he said, "board games."

"Ohhhhh I love board games!" 

"You should stop in the store sometime."  He suggested.

"Yeah, I will have to do that sometime."  I agreed.

"You really should.  I'll be waiting for you."  He added.  I let out a quick laugh that pretty much said yeah, ok, whatever, as I started to walk away.  Then he added, "Seriously."

I almost ran into the counter.  I flashed him a quick grin and went hiding in the back kitchen.  While I was replaying all of this in my head, I realized I was just one of those girls I hated.  Heather had just confessed to me about her crush and seconds later I was hugging him and "making plans".  Granted Heather has a man but it was one of those moments when I actually thought, "duh, he likes me, not you, just watch me prove it.."

And then today came and all that confidence and hope that I'd been finding lately, fizzled away like dust in the wind, when Heather ran over to me to tell me a story she'd forgotten to tell me yesterday...
"Tattooed Tipper saw me walking to work and so he offered me a ride and that just made my heart explode, I really wish I didn't have a man!  And then do you know what he said to me?  He said, 'Don't you think it's about time we make those rumors about us true?"

I interrupted her story.  "There's rumors?"

"Oh yeah!  He said he's got a table in the back of his shop that would work...Oh man, this guy really gets me going, you know."

I gave a faint smile.  "Yeah, I know."

Suddenly my brain was on over drive.  How had I missed out on "their" rumor?  I hadn't heard anything about anything.  Even I hadn't heard a rumor about me and the tattooed tipper and I thought for sure, out of all the people there, we would have the best rumor going, since he's always tipping me and I'm running out to hug him.

And since the tattooed tipper was already on my mind, it was like everyone needed to talk about him today, like when they told me about Woo Con.... the very first College of Wooster comic convention, and how he had a booth at the event.   Everyone told me I had to go check it out.

So I did.  I got cleaned up after work, took a little extra time making myself look pretty, and actually believed it for a moment that I was extra pretty today.  I went on a walk and found the event to be utterly disappointing.  No people in costumes, no characters to people watch, and there were three "booths" filled with comic books.  Worst yet, I didn't even see the tattooed tipper amongst the twenty people at the event while I was there.  I quickly excited the building and slapped myself on the forehead. 

What was I thinking?  Of course he doesn't like me.  He just likes my cooking....and that's what he told me several months ago, but being the girl that I am, I refuse to listen to a guy when he is telling me the truth because I saw it differently.

And then on top of that, the guy I've actually been seeing and spending time with apparently doesn't want to see me this weekend.  So, I'm sitting home alone, like a loser, writing a blog that maybe one person will read, like a loser, and eating chocolate to help sooth my emotional feelings, like a fatty.

I liked life better when I had a dose of hope and not reality. 

Thursday, April 2, 2015


Last night while I was skating around in circles at the local roller rink, SJ asked me if I was ever going to blog again.  Without hesitating, I said, "No, probably not."  And, honestly, I meant it.  I couldn't think of one thing I could blog about even though I went from being an almost-every-day-blogger to falling off the face of the earth in October. 

But then, while I was tugging at some material before putting a staple in it while at my upholstery gig, an idea for a blog post came to me...and then I let out a little laugh.  I can't believe I forgot to tell SJ about this....

(More back story...)

One of my resolutions for this year was to get back into yoga and focus on healing myself, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  I'd like to say that I'm off to a good start because I feel really happy and like I'm in a good place right now.  I rid some toxic people out of my life and have finally learned how to focus on myself without being overly selfish.  One of the ways I do this is yoga time.

The other day at work someone showed me a flier called Restaurant Yoga and I was immediately intrigued.  I looked at the start time of 2:30 pm, which is the exact time I get off of work, but with a little talking to with the boss, she said I could leave early since I'm "into all that working out and fitness stuff, as for anyone else, I doubt they'd really go to the class, but I know you, and you actually want to go do yoga..."  Restaurant Yoga is taught by someone in the food industry and the class is for people in the food industry.  Though it is a bit discriminating, food service stress and being on your feet all day does require certain ways to de-stress.  Most of my coworkers de-stress with drugs and alcohol, while I work out and get acupuncture.  Anyway the next thing I knew, I was in a yoga studio and working on perfecting my downward dog.

(Boy, I have a lot of back story... this is what happens when no one in the blogoverse has any idea what you've been up to for months... and I'm trying to keep this short but I don't think there is any chance of that happening....)
I really enjoyed my first restaurant yoga class and couldn't wait to go the following week.  This time, I packed my change of clothes and rode my bike into work, this way I could bike over to the yoga studio in a short minute ride.  I entered the studio and was greeted with my name by the yoga instructor from here on out I will call Master Yogi.

I've only ever done yoga one other time with a male instructor.  This experience happened when I lived in Miami and got to experience beach side yoga... something I wish I would have stuck with while I lived there.  That experience actually got me blogging to begin with which suddenly makes this post more ironic...

Master Yogi asked me if there were any stretches that I wanted to focus on during the class and I mentioned to him that my knee had been bothering me since I went to a ReFit class on Monday night, and that I would love it if we could work that out.  He talked to me about muscles and used their proper names which made me feel increasingly dumber while I kicked off my clunky work shoes.  (Yes, I forgot to pack different shoes with my change of clothes so I looked pretty silly on my bike ride...)

I headed into the heated room, laid out my mat, and started rubbing my feet until class began.  I tried to clear my head and allow my muscles to release the tension from the busy lunch rush.  Master Yogi walked into the room and gave his class a gentle smile.  "How is everyone today?"

I did an awkward smile and nod and stupid facial expression that should have easily been read as I'm doing alright, but Master Yogi wanted each of us to verbalize how we were feeling.  So, I spoke up and said, "Doing alright!"

Class began with child's pose... my favorite yoga move besides savasana.  I stretched as far as I could but since it was our first stretch, I was still a little tight.  Master Yogi came over and traced my spine and then he places my hips in his hands and pulled me towards him.

And that's when I lost complete focus on yoga and could only think about how nice his hands felt on my body.  I felt a bit flustered, exhaled, and tried to find my focus but I could still feel him pulling my hips towards him.  He released his hands and I was glad I was hiding my head in my child's pose because I'm pretty sure my face was beat red.

We spent the rest of the class doing stretches for the knee and the muscles that would lead to a sore knee.  (Master Yogi listened to my complaints and based the class on my needs... what's not to love about yoga?)  We did hip openers and come core work, and soon it was time for cool down, but to be honest, I was thinking about Master Yogi's gentle smile and soothing brown eyes.  Not to mention his admirable butt muscles.  Yes, somehow yoga went from calming to my mind wandering and wondering if I was developing a crush on Master Yogi because of the way he grabbed my hips. 

Nonsense, I told myself.  But when it was time for savasana, I couldn't close my eyes, nor could I relax.  Master Yogi must have noticed because he crouched down by my shoulders and lifted up my head, pulling my neck and then placing it on the ground for me.  Then he took his hands and rubbed my sweating forehead from the center and out to the temples, then down the back of my neck, and gently rubbed my neck.

My senses came to me before I mumbled that I loved him and his touch. 

When class was over, I quickly wiped down my mat, rolled it up, and headed out the door.  Master Yogi came out of the room as I was putting on my backpack.  He addressed me by name then asked me if I enjoyed the class.

All I could think about was his body... naked.

"Yep, great, thanks, see you next week."  I quickly spoke before running down the stairs.  This yoga class is going to be difficult if I keep getting turned on by the instructor.